Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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