I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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