help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
