My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Randomize
