I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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