It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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