I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
