Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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