R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
