I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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