Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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