Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
