He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
