I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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