So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We just shotgunned beers for America
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.