My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.