I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.