It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.