I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?