Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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