Already got asked if we're dating
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
