so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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