tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
