In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
kristin has been a bad kristin
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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