walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
