im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
