He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
