It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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