Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
