They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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