i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
