I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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