Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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