i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
