I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
