The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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