Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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