I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
