I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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