it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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