And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I did not marry a roomba.
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