turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
