I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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