he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
