his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
