Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
