i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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