Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
