Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
