i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
