What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
