i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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