Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
