I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
