Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
