I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
