beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
