p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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