take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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