bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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