Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
