Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
