i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
