tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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