It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
