If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
