My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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