How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
