Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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