Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
