Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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