I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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