First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.