I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
