wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
