First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
