After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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