Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
