This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
