i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
