**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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